Sleeping on it Works Wonders Sometimes
Yesterday was a particularly shitty day, where certain things seemed pointless. I went to bed early after a nice bath and woke this morning with remnants of the shit still lingering. I opened my emails, saw some things I didn’t feel like dealing with and wanted to literally run. Ever get like that? Where things get too much and you just want to get away from whatever it is that’s bothering you? Like this computer, for instance. There is no reason why I shouldn’t just walk away from the computer today. Nothing that can’t be left until tomorrow, but after realising that hey, if I didn’t pull my socks up and stop feeling like shit it would take a stronger hold, I had a cigarette and told myself off. I do that regularly. Sometimes out loud when I’m on my own, and other times in my head so family members don’t think I’m really mental.
Anyway, I logged onto Facebook, still wanting to run, still wanting to say “Fuck you, world!” and saw a wall post Hubby had left me before he went to work. It’s just a series of letters, but it means something to us, and seeing them took all the shit away. That he had been thinking of me down here while I slept up there, that he knew, because of yesterday, that I had come very close to hitting rock bottom about something—I don’t usually cry, so that gave him a good indication—made me get everything into perspective.
He loves me. Wants what’s best for me all the time. And like he said last night before sleep, whatever decision I make, he’ll support me all the way. I knew that—he always has—but hearing it made me feel better.
So, my options today are:
1. Walk away from the computer and tell the world to fuck off today.
2. Dive in and get on with things, get them off my back so they aren’t on my mind.
3. A bit of both.
I’m choosing option 3. I’m going to do what I have to on here this morning, and if I stay on here after that, all well and good, but if I don’t, who cares. What does it matter if I’m not “doing” something with regards to my career every damn day?
I got good advice from friends via email, good advice from Anny Cook on my blog post yesterday, and support from Hubby with hugs and knowing to just leave me alone with my woes. I’m lucky that I have such people who help me through the dark dips that get hold of me, and I feel guilty I dump my shit on their shoulders, but they are the angels who keep my wings from breaking. Muddling through alone would be very crap.
Soooooooooooo, without further ado, I thank those who supported me yesterday—again!—and will plug on today, get things done, and shift back into “You won’t beat me!” mode.
After all, I’ve done that so often I’m a sodding pro.
Have a great day, all.